he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
