My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
