i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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