this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
