Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize