Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
