we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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