Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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