went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
