his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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