Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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