so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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