I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
