Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize