Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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