I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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