Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
