I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
