I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
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Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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