I hate all girls vehemently.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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