More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
well you can't waste a boner
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
