If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
