I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
