i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
