end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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