Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
