my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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