maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
