all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
