you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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