i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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