we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
