so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
