Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
