i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
