I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
