the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
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I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
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He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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