Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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