he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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