so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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