Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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