you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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