I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
