We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
