So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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