Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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