I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
