i just google imaged poop.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
