Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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