No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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