I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
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she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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