Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
