my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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