i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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