I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
