Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
