From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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