Acid is not a monday night drug
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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