my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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