I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
