i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
