Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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