Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
