just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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