A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
