i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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