I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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