i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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