May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
