So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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