Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
