We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
