Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
