i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
