The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
