she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
