based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
