dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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