just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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